Congruence in Life

Congruence in life to bring the change

Majority of society wants less violence, more kindness and respect in the world……. Wonderful wish. But simply wishing for it, won’t magically make it happen. The change starts with us.  To make positive changes in our own lives, our spoken words, thoughts and actions need to be in harmony. If we aren’t congruent then thinking positive or wishing for change in life, is useless. When we talk about congruence in life, congruence is not the same mathematics term which you learned in high school, it’s a way of life that is far more complex. The best way to understand it is to imbibe congruence in all aspects of your life, act congruently and experience it.

Congruence in Life

“The world is a reflection of mankind’s thoughts.

Change our thinking, change the world.” ~ Amanda Ray

According to Carl Rogers, Humanistic Psychologist (1902-1987) – “A person’s ideal self may not be consistent with what actually happens in life and experiences of the person. Hence, a difference may exist between a person’s ideal self and actual experience. This is called in-congruence. “ Carl Rogers pioneered the Person-Centered therapy, in which one of the three Core conditions for therapeutic change was Congruence and it has been shown to be an effective treatment for mental health issues.

Self-awareness for congruence in life

The only true way to obtain a state of congruence in your life is by being self-aware and understanding who you are at your core.

You want to be a confident and self-assured person. But inside you are full of insecurity and lack self-esteem. You may appear confident from the outside, but inside your thoughts are negative. This is being incongruent. To the outside world you will be seen as that insecure person, who doesn’t believe in himself/herself.

Congruence in Life

Same is true with our world, we wish for peace; yet domestic violence, bullying and random violence is still happening and in some cases is on the increase. Peace will never happen while we continue to harm and disrespect each other. For the world is incongruent with mankind’s actions.


The term mindfulness is being thrown around a lot these days, everyone is talking about it. But what does it really mean and how it can help to be a congruent in life ? Mindfulness is the quality or state of being aware or conscious about the present moment. It is achieved by simply paying attention and noticing your own thoughts, emotions, feelings and sensations – and the surroundings, nature and states of being of those around you. You slow down the things a bit and notice the un-noticed. Now coming to the point how mindfulness can help to be congruent. It really comes into play in becoming more impeccable with your thoughts, word and your actions. If you are aware of what you are thinking, saying and doing in the present moment. You will be more in position to control your behavior and live a congruent life.

Avoid negative images

Think of all the big issues facing humanity; violence, unemployment, poverty and climate change to name a few. Now think about how we handle and portray these issues… we use negative images to get the message across.

Climate change message, “act now to save the planet” combined with a negative image of plastic bottles floating in the ocean. Or “stop domestic violence” and the image is of a person who has been beaten.

Congruence in Life

The only part our brain registers is the negative image. Therefore, the message is incongruent. Seeing negative images has the same effect as negative self-talk. It creates lower levels of self-esteem which leads to decrease in motivation. So instead of motivating people to act it leaves us feeling helpless for the world and our future.

We want change… then it’s time for us to be the change and think differently. To be consciously and socially aware.

“If we can’t create social change & consciousness; then there’s no hope for humanity” ~ Amanda Ray

Over to you now,  Share with us in comment section your experiences and views on how congruence in life can bring the change and make the difference?

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