Master the The Art of Forgiveness to Forgive and Forget
Forgive and forget… Mater the art of forgiveness …… Mastering the art of forgiveness plays a crucial role in happiness and quality of your life . By learning this, you don’t forgive the person who did something wrong; but you forgive yourself. Yes, you read it correctly. You forgive yourself.
When someone has done damage that appears at the time to be irreconcilable. You are filled with anger and have bitterness towards him/her, who has hurt you. Instead of forgetting it and moving forward in life, many people keep a running score and hold what we like to call, a grudge.
“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” ~ Lewis B. Smedes
What is Forgiveness?
Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate and voluntary decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
In simple words; Forgiveness is developing compassion and accepting others for being imperfect, while at the same time honoring your boundaries and protecting yourself. You must free yourself from your own negative “victim” story of what you believe happened to you.
Reasons why you should forgive and forget
Forgive and forget is a piece of advise which every counselor or life coach gives to individuals who wants to comes out of bitter memories. But few people find it difficult to forgive. Of course, I know that forgiving is notoriously difficult. Forgiving is easier said than done, but there are ways to make it easier. C.S. Lewis has quoted – “Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive”. But all said and done there are many good reasons why you should forgive and forget. Here are few of them
- Forgiveness doesn’t condone their actions. You do not excuse the other person’s behavior.
- Forgiveness is not for other people. It’s for you.
- Rumination can be combated through forgiving . It helps overcomes negative emotions and improves your overall emotional health.
- Forgiveness is a sign of strength and a weakness.
- There is nothing as effective as forgiveness for healing deep mental wounds
The Art of Forgiveness – How to forgive?
Well as said earlier, it’s not always easy, but the benefits of forgiving and forgetting can be extremely powerful. Here are the strategies for discovering how to forgive even when you feel it is impossible.
Do not punish yourself
First of all, always Keep in mind that it’s usually in your best interest to forgive people. By carrying the baggage of revenge and bad memories for long time; you forget that it’s stealing your peace of mind. By having negativity in mind you can’t have good physical health. There are physical manifestations of negative emotions on your body. Toxic and destructive emotions have the potential to activate certain diseases if you don’t attend to your emotional well-being. In psychology everything is psychosomatic. Your mental health affects your physical health as well. The person who has hurt you must be living in his own world and enjoying the life, he must have forgotten that anything went wrong in between you. But, you are carrying that grudge in you and punishing yourself.
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi
Change your “Victim Story”
Do you have a longstanding “victim story” that you constantly repeat to yourself and others? A victim story typically describes how you have been victimized and someone ruined your life. You believe that it was not your mistake, you convince yourself and others that you are a victim.
You need to change your story. It’s not true, that you have been victimized by someone. I agree that someone else did something painful or difficult. But, it’s you who did not respond or handle it well. Come out of that victim game and focus on what you did to recover from or cope with the situation. By shifting from ‘poor me’ to ‘here’s what I did,’ you no longer cast yourself in the role of victim.
Reduce your expectations
Start giving lesser importance to people and situations. Don’t get hurt easily, reduce your expectation level from others. It’s not necessary the person on the opposite side will give the same importance to you in his or her life. Don’t give the remote of your mental peace to others.
Practicing empathy augments forgiveness
Developing empathy is a necessary and important step in forgiveness. When working on how to forgive someone, it often helps to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Empathy is associated with forgiveness and having greater empathy makes it easier for you to forgive someone . This may be easier in some situations and difficult in others, but it’s worth a try. Even if you can’t understand, why someone behaved in a particular way, you must make an effort to recognize the feelings or experiences which triggered his/her hurtful behavior. Let go of any revenge feelings, as these won’t allow you to come closer to forgiveness.
Move ahead
Remember there are more important issues in life to deal with. Forgive and move ahead on the path of success. People keep remembering the old grudges and not able to move forward. Remember one thing, if you will keep digging the graveyard, you will get nothing else more than skeletons and bad odor. Forgiveness is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself. If you can’t learn to forgive, you can forget about achieving true success in your life. Get rid of bitter thoughts and give new life to yourself.
“Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.” ~ Oscar Wilde
Want to read more forgiveness quotes ? You can read here >>> Forgiveness Quotes
It’s important not to take everything on your heart. Don’t think too much about what did go wrong, in place of it work on how to rectify and make it right.
“Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.” ~ John F. Kennedy
Mindfulness
Mindfulness or living in the present moment is such a powerful way, that I find it useful in any kind of emotional or mental health problem. For forgiveness also it comes true. By living in the present moment you focus on the present; leaving behind the past or worrying about future. Mindfulness is linked to heightened interpersonal forgiveness. A new research provides evidence that people who are more mindful are more prone to forgiveness and that mindfulness exercises can facilitate a forgiving attitude.
Make forgiveness a permanent attitude
However, one should keep in mind that just because you forgive someone’s wrong doings, it does not mean that you have excused their awful deeds. It also does not mean that you are required to completely forget about the situation either. By forgiving, you just originate an approach to move ahead for yourself, with or without that person. Therefore imbibe forgiveness in your character. Forgiveness means to let go of hatred, instead of allowing it to eat at you. Make forgiveness a permanent attitude.
“Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude.” ~ Martin Luther King, Jr.
That’s all from my side in this article. How do you forgive other? Please share in the comment section; your tips and strategies about mastering the art of forgiveness. I and Invajy readers would love to get beneficiated with your experiences.
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